I've had crushes on men of all races ranging from the superfine singer Maxwell to the hotness that is Ryan Gosling.
My first crush was in the first grade on a Vietnamese kid named Vin. He was the fastest runner in our class and popular, and I could care less that we weren't the same race. One day, Vin was at the water fountain and I waited for him. He said something and I just nodded because I was so nervous; I just kept thinking of how cute he was. His race was not even a blip on my radar and at that age I didn't care what other people thought about my crush on someone of a different race until later in life unfortunately. Nothing came about between Vin and I but fast forward to adulthood when race appeared to matter.
My first crush was in the first grade on a Vietnamese kid named Vin. He was the fastest runner in our class and popular, and I could care less that we weren't the same race. One day, Vin was at the water fountain and I waited for him. He said something and I just nodded because I was so nervous; I just kept thinking of how cute he was. His race was not even a blip on my radar and at that age I didn't care what other people thought about my crush on someone of a different race until later in life unfortunately. Nothing came about between Vin and I but fast forward to adulthood when race appeared to matter.
I met "Eric" on match.com and his profile picture was adorable! He had short, close-shaven blond hair, about 5'6" (I’m 5'1" so that was cool). He had a beard, blue eyes, Caucasian in its fullest form. He loved Talib Kweli, whom I had never heard of. Eric said that he dated outside his race before so that eased my fear about the assumptions he may have had about black women.
After two weeks of talking online we decided to meet. We met for dinner at Macaroni Grill in Silver Spring. When we first met I was not disappointed looks wise because he was just as adorable in person.
Our waitress, a black girl, walked us to our table. Then lordddd the thoughts started to invade my mind. Is she talking about us? Is she going to be rude because I’m with a white guy? I then realized that that girl did not care about me or my date. She was too busy worrying about getting to all her tables.
So I told myself to calm the hell down and I did. Eric and I sat at our table and man was he a talker. He talked and talked and talked and then talked some more. Slowly I didn’t think about our skin color. I thought, "dang this dude won't let me get a word in edgewise."
So I told myself to calm the hell down and I did. Eric and I sat at our table and man was he a talker. He talked and talked and talked and then talked some more. Slowly I didn’t think about our skin color. I thought, "dang this dude won't let me get a word in edgewise."
After dinner we saw "The Incredibles" (excellent movie by the way), but let me tell you a movie is a bad idea for a first date because you really can't communicate.
We had parked in different garages and as we walked from the movie theater I saw a group of black kids hanging out, as they usually do in Silver Spring after 9:00 pm. All those worries came flooding back. Will those kids say something? Are they looking this way? Are they going to embarrass my date or me? And guess what, those kids paid me no mind, but I acted like they would.
We had parked in different garages and as we walked from the movie theater I saw a group of black kids hanging out, as they usually do in Silver Spring after 9:00 pm. All those worries came flooding back. Will those kids say something? Are they looking this way? Are they going to embarrass my date or me? And guess what, those kids paid me no mind, but I acted like they would.
It seemed that Eric wanted to hang more, but I called it a night because I feared the gawks and stares because I interracially dated. I told him good night and that was the end of that one and only date with him.
I share these experiences because I want to remind us all to listen to our own voices. I listened to the voices I assumed were being said by individuals I didn’t even know! I've learned to not fill my mind with assuming that people would look at me differently because I interracially date. I'm not psychic. I told myself that I'm going to take advice from my first grade self: to like a person for who he is and not his race. I've reached an age where I honestly don't care what other people think. Dating is hard enough. It's up to us as individuals to decide who will make us happy and not give that control to someone else.
Loree Lamour is a single woman of Haitian descent. She was born in Washington, D.C. but grew up in Silver Spring, MD.
