Interview with Niki McElroy

Niki McElroy, author of A Black Girls Guide to Dating White Men, discusses her reason for writing the book and the general perception of interracial dating.

Why did you write "A Black Girls Guide to Dating White Men"?

I wrote this book because I had many black friends that had never dated a white guy. They would see me out on dates or hear me talking about my dates and the only questions that they'd ask were all racially motivated. They wondered what dating a white guy is like, how the sex was and how they treated me. I made it a point to get all the preconceived notions their brains had conjured up over all of the years out and started reprogramming them. That's when I started writing the book. I was tired of repeating the same answers to the same questions. I told my girlfriend, "You know what? I'm just going to write you a book!" She thanks me for opening her mind and allowing her to experience another part of life.

What keeps many single black women from exploring relationships outside of their race?

The only thing, that I believe, keeps black women from exploring outside of their race is FEAR! Fear of what people would say, fear of not having anything in common, and I can’t leave out... the fear that they will have a horrible sex life. Most black women "think" white men have small penises and can’t hang... Boy, are they wrong.

Is it the general perception that black men can interracially much easier than black women? Do you feel there’s more disdain in the black community toward women dating interracially than men?

Statistically speaking, black man/white woman relationships and marriages have soared over the last 20 years, where the white man/black woman combos are slowly starting to increase. In higher numbers now that more black woman are graduating college than black men, but it still not close. I have had arguments with black men that comment on the fact that I date outside of my race and then they show me photos of their bi-racial children. I think black men have a very hard time seeing a black woman with a white man because they feel the white man "took" something away from them. White women have a hard time seeing black women with a successful white man as well. In both races, no matter what the "switch-up" might be, people get territorial of "their" people do to the issues America has had with racism. I just pray folks GET OVER IT!

Do you find that white men are as likely to approach black women or do black women have to initiate contact and indicate interest?

Unless the white man has dated black women in the past, he will most likely NOT approach. They become intimidated and are scared of rejection. I have been in 45-minute conversations with some, where they practically talk my ear off and when it's time to wrap up the conversation we hit that awkward moment. There are a lot of "uuummmms" and shifting bodies with their hands in their pockets. If there were a pebble on the ground, I’m sure they would kick it like Alfalfa does in the Lil' Rascals movie. In the book, I touch on those issues and tell you how to go ahead and break that silence and that uncomfortable moment. Hey, the #1 purchaser of black porn are white men, so they DO want us, and fantasize about being with us, they just need a little help when it comes to making that first connection and getting through the first date. After they realize that you're interested too, they go back to being themselves.