Why I Don't Date Out

A Native Washingtonian, age 35, who has a white adopted mother, shares her views on interracial dating.  

Why are you reluctant to date outside your race?

Not sure it’s reluctance, more of a preference. I'm not exposed to a lot of men who date outside their race. Two reasons for my reluctance: one, I don't think we will have very much in common as far as life experiences and being able to relate to me and my frustrations and second, truth be told, while I find a lot of men of other races very attractive, the sexual energy/ physical attraction just isn't there. When I was in high school, I talked quite extensively to a guy on the phone that I thought was African American, but when I finally met him he wasn't. I was really into him on the phone but seeing him was totally different and I lost interest. Yes, he knew I was black... My older sister once told me she always pictured me with a white guy but one with swag... I don't know, again, more of lack of exposure and thus dating black men is what I'm used to. But to quote my sister if he had a lil’ swag...then maybe.

Statistics show that 70% of Black women are single and 42% are

unmarried. Would you agree with authors Karyn Langhorne Folan and Niki McElroy who argue that more Black women should date outside their race?

If the sole reason for dating outside your race is just because the pickings are more, then I'd have to disagree. If you’re dating outside your race because you are attracted to men of another race then that’s totally different. Dating someone to meet some social standard of where you should be in life (married, kids etc.) are you going to be happy or doing it to say I did it? if you’re going to do it, do it for love not status quo. I've not read the books but that's my take on it.

Is interracial dating the solution to the single Black woman's problem?

No, interracial dating is not the solution or the be-all-to-end-all for black women. Should we lower our standards? No, of course not. Should we be realistic and take into consideration the changing of times? Yes. Roles are completely reversed now and black women are the primary breadwinners and the head of the household, but somewhere we forgot that no matter who brings home the bacon, our men, our black men, should still get the respect he deserves. We are so quick to dismiss. We neglect the effort...sometimes we have to put aside our own hang-ups and egos and let them sit at the head of the table and give him the big piece of chicken. 

Since there is high percentage of black men in prison, undereducated, and unemployed, are there even datable black men? Yes there are, however you have to pluck through the ones who are full of BS, and not intimidated by your success. I have to say I've had that issue quite often. What surprises me is that they full on tell you they are. For example, I had one guy tell me he's never dated a college girl and one who was in a sorority. I asked him what does that mean, and he went on to describe what he was used to. To make a long story short, in his comfort zone of 30k he was the breadwinner.  I was a challenge and he “could not get away with running game ‘cause I know too smart."

What is your overall opinion of interracial dating? How does it make you feel seeing Black men dating nonblack women?

Honestly, I don’t have an issue seeing black women with white guys, but reverse, I have an issue with it. I don't like seeing black men with white women. I could go on and on but at the end of the day I'll just reaffirm I have a problem with it.

Dating Is An Exciting Adventure

Dating can be very fun and exciting if one allows it to be. It doesn't have to be the awkward or nerve-wracking experience that a lot of people make it out to be. In this day and age, one of the best ways to date is through a dating website. These websites make approaching people for dates a lot less awkward because everyone already knows that everyone on the site is looking for that type of companionship.

Once someone becomes a member of a dating website, they can create an online profile that accurately describes oneself and reflects their personality. It is very important that people complete these profiles truthfully so that they do not mislead other people. People should tell enough information about themselves on their profile to be intriguing, but should also leave a little bit to mystery. In essence, people need to be careful not to reveal every detail about themselves in their profiles. Most of the time, it is a good idea to properly get to know a person before revealing intimate details about oneself.

Everyone who dates online needs to remember the importance of having a good and clear picture of themselves as their main profile picture. This is very important so as to not be misleading. There is nothing worse than false advertising on a dating website. Why even try it? People will eventually find out who is lying and will not want to pursue dates with that person because of their deception.

Once one actually meets the person they have been talking to online, it is important to keep physical contact to a bare minimum at first. There are many reasons for this, the most important one being that physical activity shouldn't be rushed. People should give themselves time to adequately get to know each other and find out if they are compatible. This is all that they should be focusing on at this point. Once they are past that stage and realize that they do have a lot in common, they can schedule additional dates to determine whether or not they are interested in pursuing a relationship with each other. Once people have been dating a while, it is appropriate to develop a sexual relationship of some sort. Both parties involved need to be fully comfortable with the relationship in order for it to be mutually enjoyable and beneficial.

Dating should be a pleasant experience. It is fun to get to know people of the opposite sex and find out what qualities one is looking for in a mate. As long as people don't take themselves too seriously, a person's dating years should be some of the most exciting times in their life.
Guest post distributed by Fatwallet.com. Fatwallet provides deals and discounts including Lenovo coupon.

The Perks of Being Single During the Holidays

Anyone who's suddenly found themselves single will know what a culture shock it can be. All the things you used take for granted–guaranteed company at the weekend, a delicious meal waiting for you when you've had to work late, someone to listen to your angry rants about pet hates–are abruptly taken away.

Perhaps worst of all, that holiday you'd booked when you were still together is blatantly not an option anymore, unless you particularly feel like sharing four hours trapped in a pressurised metal container with your ex. Your only options now are either to try and persuade a friend or relative to give up their own romantic break to come with you or try and convince yourself that holidays are actually overrated, and that you'd much rather spend two weeks catching up on those spreadsheet reports at work.

There is of course, another option, and it's one that is becoming increasingly popular: go by yourself. Granted, your confidence may not be at an all-time high following a break-up, but a trip to foreign climes, away from the memories of the past may be just the thing you need.

In fact, so many people are now choosing to travel alone that some holiday companies are offering specialised 'singles holidays set up specifically for lone travellers. Don’t be put off by the name; these trips are not some 18-30s knees up in a Spanish resort fuelled by cheap sangria and frequented by lads and ladies on the pull. Instead they provide a way for people to enjoy the benefits of travelling with others (cheaper rates, companionship, safety) while still maintaining a strong sense of independence.

When you set off to travel by yourself, there's none of that annoying "compromise" business that can plague holidays taken as a couple. From the big decisions like which country to visit, to the small details like the choice between visiting that famous monument at the crack of dawn or lounging in bed till 11am and then having a cocktail on the beach, holidays are full of decisions. Having to compromise on several of these choices on one trip can often lead to a lovely, relaxing holiday where neither person does any of the things they really wanted to, and secretly resents their partner as a result.   

There are a huge variety of trips available for people who want to do some travelling by themselves, while having the option to join up with a larger group for some parts of their trip. From taking in the culture in some of the world’s most amazing cities, to getting active on a trekking or cycling tour, to heading out on a true adventure to an African safari or polar expedition, single travellers really can enjoy a world of possibilities. Adventure tours are particularly suited to single travellers, as they encourage people to venture into the unknown and experience a world outside of their comfort zone. Plus, for single people joining up on a white-water rafting trip or three-day hike, adventure tours are a fantastic way to meet and bond with new people. 

This is one of the best things about going on holiday as a single traveller. Although you may set out alone, travelling by yourself is a great way to meet a fantastic variety of people from all over the world, from fellow travellers to members of the local populace. Couples frequently give off an unspoken and often quite unintended aura that suggests they don't want to be bothered. When you travel alone, it's so much easier to meet interesting new people, without them having to worry about ruining your romantic break. Plus, if you happen to meet someone who happens to be travelling to the most amazing sounding island paradise the next morning, there's no debate on whether or not to join them. The only person you have to consult is yourself.

Who knows, while you travel the world meeting fascinating like-minded people, you may even find that special someone ready for next year's holiday!

Hi I'm Daniel and I enjoy writing about travel and sharing my experiences from around the globe.

Interview with Niki McElroy

Niki McElroy, author of A Black Girls Guide to Dating White Men, discusses her reason for writing the book and the general perception of interracial dating.

Why did you write "A Black Girls Guide to Dating White Men"?

I wrote this book because I had many black friends that had never dated a white guy. They would see me out on dates or hear me talking about my dates and the only questions that they'd ask were all racially motivated. They wondered what dating a white guy is like, how the sex was and how they treated me. I made it a point to get all the preconceived notions their brains had conjured up over all of the years out and started reprogramming them. That's when I started writing the book. I was tired of repeating the same answers to the same questions. I told my girlfriend, "You know what? I'm just going to write you a book!" She thanks me for opening her mind and allowing her to experience another part of life.

What keeps many single black women from exploring relationships outside of their race?

The only thing, that I believe, keeps black women from exploring outside of their race is FEAR! Fear of what people would say, fear of not having anything in common, and I can’t leave out... the fear that they will have a horrible sex life. Most black women "think" white men have small penises and can’t hang... Boy, are they wrong.

Is it the general perception that black men can interracially much easier than black women? Do you feel there’s more disdain in the black community toward women dating interracially than men?

Statistically speaking, black man/white woman relationships and marriages have soared over the last 20 years, where the white man/black woman combos are slowly starting to increase. In higher numbers now that more black woman are graduating college than black men, but it still not close. I have had arguments with black men that comment on the fact that I date outside of my race and then they show me photos of their bi-racial children. I think black men have a very hard time seeing a black woman with a white man because they feel the white man "took" something away from them. White women have a hard time seeing black women with a successful white man as well. In both races, no matter what the "switch-up" might be, people get territorial of "their" people do to the issues America has had with racism. I just pray folks GET OVER IT!

Do you find that white men are as likely to approach black women or do black women have to initiate contact and indicate interest?

Unless the white man has dated black women in the past, he will most likely NOT approach. They become intimidated and are scared of rejection. I have been in 45-minute conversations with some, where they practically talk my ear off and when it's time to wrap up the conversation we hit that awkward moment. There are a lot of "uuummmms" and shifting bodies with their hands in their pockets. If there were a pebble on the ground, I’m sure they would kick it like Alfalfa does in the Lil' Rascals movie. In the book, I touch on those issues and tell you how to go ahead and break that silence and that uncomfortable moment. Hey, the #1 purchaser of black porn are white men, so they DO want us, and fantasize about being with us, they just need a little help when it comes to making that first connection and getting through the first date. After they realize that you're interested too, they go back to being themselves.

Safety Tips for Online Dating

With the Internet at our fingertips and communication channels everywhere we look, the day of waiting for "Mr. or Ms. Right" is virtually gone. It’s likely that our grandparent’s generation would find this new concept a difficult one to grasp. Love letters are now written over e-mail, flirting is done via text message and even breakups are done over Facebook (gasp!), but with this change in traditional courtship come the good and the bad.

First, let’s start with the good.

Online dating is one of the fastest growing channels for people to find a mate. In fact, some statistics suggest that this works very well and often results in long-term love. Research from ScienceDaily.com found that 94% of those involved in their study of online daters saw the person they met online again after the first date and on average the relationships lasted 7 months. In fact, 18% made it more than a year. Another shocking statistic reported by Switched.com even went so far as to claim that 1 in 5 people who use dating sites will actually marry someone they met online.

Okay, now for the frightening part.

It’s been estimated that 1 in 10 sex offenders go online to find “dates.”

With all the positive things about online dating, how can you look for the love of your life without putting yourself in danger? This is the most important, if not one of the most challenging, part of online dating. We all want to believe that the person we have been getting to know online is really who they say they are; unfortunately it’s not always the case.

Sometimes these lies may be less harmful (though still deceitful). It’s been said that American men on dating sites lie most about their age, height and income. Women on the other hand tend to be misleading about their weight, physical build and age. But what if someone has a criminal background? Some sites have begun screening members more closely, you can never be too careful.

Here are some basic tips for staying safe when you meet someone from an online dating site.

Stick to the Internal Messaging System provided by the Dating Service
When you are first getting to know someone it’s important that you hold back your personal and contact information. Most online dating services have ways to communicate on the site so you should rely on these rather than exchanging personal e-mail addresses or anything that can be tracked to your whereabouts. This may seem impersonal, but until you have actually met the person on the other end of the messages, you don’t want to give away too much. Never give an exact location of your home or where you work.

Listen to Your Gut Instincts
We all know that pesky little feeling that tells us something isn’t quite right. If the person you are corresponding with is asking you questions that make you feel uncomfortable, this could be your first red flag that something is amiss. Just as you would acknowledge these feelings if you met someone offline, you need to listen to these feelings; often they are your body’s way of telling you to get the heck away from this person.

Take it Slow
Though you may think you have found a great potential partner, don’t rush things. One benefit of online dating is that you get to find out more about the person before you have even met. Typically these “getting to know you” talks happen on a first date and sometimes it can be easy to dismiss things that don’t seem like they are a good fit in your life when you are swept up in the moment and chemistry comes into play. Take the first steps slowly. Get to really know the person well. Perhaps the next step, when you are ready, is to send a photo. Some dating sites already allow you to post a profile photo, but some members prefer to not do this so they can get to know a person without making snap judgments. The other side of this, of course, is that there must be attraction on some level for a couple to be a happy one. Be wary of anyone who doesn’t want to volunteer a photo after you have been communicating. If they are coming up with excuses, this should be a red flag to you. Of course, (insert commonsense), make sure the photos don’t show you at your home, work or anywhere you frequent.

Use Caution for the First Meet-up
Rule number one when meeting a person for the first time: DO NOT go to the person’s house or anyplace that is not public. The last thing you want to do is find yourself in a threatening position with no one there to help you. Restaurants are a great place to meet up for the first time. Also make sure you let a friend or family member know where you are going, the time and the details that would make it easy for you to get help if needed. It’s sad that when we think of meeting someone we are compatible with we need to proceed so cautiously, but it is extremely important to be safe over all else.

If you follow these safety rules and listen above all else to your own inner radar, online dating can be an amazing opportunity to meet someone with whom you can begin a relationship. It is also a wonderful way for those who are too shy to approach someone that catches their eye to communicate in a less intimidating space. Just remember to use caution, move slowly and watch for warning signs and perhaps you can be one of the millions of people who meet their life-long love online.
Emily Murray is a health, fitness and relationship blogger as well as a contributing writer for KwikMed, the company recently appointed by Watson Pharmaceuticals as the exclusive online distribute distributor of the morning after pill called ella.

Race Nonissue in Dating

Interracial dating is not necessarily taboo in the DC metro area since there are plenty of mixed-raced couples. People have become increasingly open to dating someone from another race or cultural background since there are so many cultures blended in the area that it is almost impossible not to interact with, and eventually date, someone of a different race or culture. 

Generally speaking though, dating can be a difficult, and dating in urban areas such as Washington, DC can be grueling and time-consuming. Add seeking out someone from another race and the task can become all the more daunting. Hundreds of open-minded men and women of all races have joined dating and social networking sites such as IDSocialConnect in the hopes of making life easier finding love or lasting friendships.

IDSocialConnect comprises hundreds of singles seeking out interracial dating; however, in general, race is becoming progressively more of a nonissue in dating. Typically women and men look for a partner that is honest, has a sense of humor, and is physically attractive. Seldom is race a nonnegotiable in dating.

Interracial Dating Meetup Group Launches Blog

The InterracialDating and Social Connections (IDSocialConnect) Meetup Group has launched this blog to discuss the taboo topic of interracial dating. The blog is the fourth chapter in developing the group’s web presence, preceded by Meetup, Facebook, and Twitter.

IDSocialConnect comprises over 660 multicultural singles in the Washington DC metro area (the District of Columbia, Maryland, and Virginia) on Meetup.com that participate in diverse social activities to meet new people and expand their social circle.


The Meetup Group is a private dating and social networking club, but IDSocialConnect has public identities with 131 friends on Facebook and 33 followers on Twitter.

This blog will be a public discussion board to exchange thoughts on interracial dating.

Are you dating outside your race? Why? Why not? Would you?