A Native Washingtonian, age 35, who has a white adopted mother, shares her views on interracial dating.
Why are you reluctant to date outside your race?
Not sure it’s reluctance, more of a preference. I'm not exposed to a lot of men who date outside their race. Two reasons for my reluctance: one, I don't think we will have very much in common as far as life experiences and being able to relate to me and my frustrations and second, truth be told, while I find a lot of men of other races very attractive, the sexual energy/ physical attraction just isn't there. When I was in high school, I talked quite extensively to a guy on the phone that I thought was African American, but when I finally met him he wasn't. I was really into him on the phone but seeing him was totally different and I lost interest. Yes, he knew I was black... My older sister once told me she always pictured me with a white guy but one with swag... I don't know, again, more of lack of exposure and thus dating black men is what I'm used to. But to quote my sister if he had a lil’ swag...then maybe.
Statistics show that 70% of Black women are single and 42% are
unmarried. Would you agree with authors Karyn Langhorne Folan and Niki McElroy who argue that more Black women should date outside their race?
If the sole reason for dating outside your race is just because the pickings are more, then I'd have to disagree. If you’re dating outside your race because you are attracted to men of another race then that’s totally different. Dating someone to meet some social standard of where you should be in life (married, kids etc.) are you going to be happy or doing it to say I did it? if you’re going to do it, do it for love not status quo. I've not read the books but that's my take on it.
Is interracial dating the solution to the single Black woman's problem?
No, interracial dating is not the solution or the be-all-to-end-all for black women. Should we lower our standards? No, of course not. Should we be realistic and take into consideration the changing of times? Yes. Roles are completely reversed now and black women are the primary breadwinners and the head of the household, but somewhere we forgot that no matter who brings home the bacon, our men, our black men, should still get the respect he deserves. We are so quick to dismiss. We neglect the effort...sometimes we have to put aside our own hang-ups and egos and let them sit at the head of the table and give him the big piece of chicken.
Since there is high percentage of black men in prison, undereducated, and unemployed, are there even datable black men? Yes there are, however you have to pluck through the ones who are full of BS, and not intimidated by your success. I have to say I've had that issue quite often. What surprises me is that they full on tell you they are. For example, I had one guy tell me he's never dated a college girl and one who was in a sorority. I asked him what does that mean, and he went on to describe what he was used to. To make a long story short, in his comfort zone of 30k he was the breadwinner. I was a challenge and he “could not get away with running game ‘cause I know too smart."
What is your overall opinion of interracial dating? How does it make you feel seeing Black men dating nonblack women?
Honestly, I don’t have an issue seeing black women with white guys, but reverse, I have an issue with it. I don't like seeing black men with white women. I could go on and on but at the end of the day I'll just reaffirm I have a problem with it.
I find it interesting when anyone states they have a problem with people dating outside their race. Why care that someone's happy? As a white male I don't have a problem with dating outside my race but have a problem finding someone who meets my desires. I will admit I find black women more sexy and beautiful than white women and that seems why I am attracted to them. In the last five years I found one white woman who meets what I was looking for in a mate. On the other hand I found so many more of black women and this without lowering my standards. I just want to be happy and if that is with someone of another race than that is what the Lord has blessed me with.
ReplyDeleteMy happiness is MINE and I don't allow anyone to dictate that! I have no issues with black men with white and other non black women. Not my business, Yet I have had black men that had and made it know of their dislike with my being with a white man; strangely most of them that have a problem with it are those that are with white women! I let them know that they do not get to decide who I am to date, love and marry.
ReplyDeleteSo get over it; you might as well since there is nothing else you can do to stop it. Like I said, my happiness is MINE!!!!!
As an African woman, my roots, my culture, my history, my lineage is very important to me. I've experienced racism first-hand from people in North Africa, Europe and North America. Why? Because of the way, my people have been portrayed by Caucasian and Western history books, movies, newspapers, etc. Call it reverse racism but I don't wanna date white men. The thing is when you're a minority or simply from a non-western country, you have no choice but to adapt to the dominant western cultural message. It's everywhere: in the way we dress, in our food habits, in the way we do politics... Everywhere!!! Adaptation is natural to you so it's easier for you to see things from other people's perspective, without debasing it. What I have noticed with all the white people I have met and the white men who hit on me, it's they think that you're an Oreo cookie or a bounty bar. When they say, they're colorblind, they're actually culture blind. You're just a very tanned white woman. I hate that: I hate people who don't make the effort to know more about the others. It's eurocentrism 24/7. I'm not one of those people who are just like: "Love this, love that blah blah blah". I think that love isn't enough to foster a relationship, there are a lot of other important things and those things, unless the person is a white person who has been in touch with non-western cultural settings (not talking about diplomats or those arrogant pricks who spend 2 months in a village and labelled experts), I won't go out with that person. Most of my African friends who embark on the silly lovey-dovey journey (we love each other, it's the only thing that matters) were in for a shock when the honeymoon was over. Indeed, there were a lot of things their white partners couldn't relate to and never thought they would face because they wrongfully assumed that their black ladies were just very tanned white women.
ReplyDeleteAre you fantasized about interracial dating? Do you want to have a partner from another race or ethnic group? If yes, then you have come to the right place. We understand that love has no boundaries.
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